Do You Seek Validation?

Confession time: when I started working full time last year, and so had the disposable income to invest more into my blog, my eyes sort of opened up for the first time to the little luxuries among the blogging world. It seemed that everyone was constantly jet-setting, all donning designer bags, and just generally big balling money makers. Suddenly, the pressure hit me too. I felt like I needed to show the world that I was doing just fine too. And before I knew it, I became hooked on trying to portray my life in the most glamorous, successful and luxurious way possible. I touched on this briefly in my ‘What really matters?‘ post – but wanted to go into a little more detail on the idea of seeking constant acceptance.

I started living my life for the approval of others – constantly thinking about what would make my life look really cool, versus just living my life for me. Whether that was through curated captions and Tweets, spending lots of money on things I thought would make me look impressive, or overplaying different events that happened in my life – I was absolutely hooked on the approval drug.

Let’s be honest – we all fall into this trap sometimes and occasionally we don’t even notice it. For example, I’ve heard stories of people blowing the majority of their monthly income on a pair of Louboutins – just to be able to say they had them. Especially with social media making it so easy these days for people to see exactly what everyone else is up to – be it money making on Instagram or role collecting on LinkedIn, it’s easy to feel like you have to ‘keep up’.

Actually, it was after becoming more aware of people doing this around me that I realised I was doing it myself – my priorities were totally skewed. Living for validation gets tiring because you’re always chasing the next injection of this drug. You end up constantly comparing yourself to other people, and you actually hinder yourself from truly living your life because your concerns are not as they should be.

Over the year I developed more of a “I don’t really give a F” attitude, I learned to relax and refocused my energy more of developing myself to actually be successful rather than trying to paint the picture of a perfect post uni life.

Not to say I’m perfect in this regards – and I still have my slip ups – but these days I’m much more focused on living my life for me. And that’s not to say that I’ll never find myself browsing the same websites and looking at the same things as before (for e.g. I’m obsessed with bags, so will definitely still put money towards the bigger purchases) – but these days it’s not for the validation – it’s doing it because I feel like it. My focus now is much more on ‘living my best life’, versus trying to portray my life as something that it isn’t. It’s a much easier life to lead.

A bit about this new outfit – and I really want to focus most attention on the leather jacket. I mean, I am in love. I’ve been wanted to replace my old leather jacket for a while now, but was under the impression that if I wanted something that wouldn’t look crinkled after some time I’d definitely have to spend a minimum of £150. Sometimes it’s better in the long run to spend the extra ££ for the better quality. However, whenever I finish work early, I tend to reward myself with a trip to Zara which is on my walk home – this beauty was waiting for me at the door and was half the price I was expecting for a good quality jacket. I repeat – I am in love.

Photos: Marianne Olaleye